There’s this writer I like a lot named Chuck Klosterman. Considering the fact that he’s a monthly columnist for Esquire and the wildly successful author of the “low culture manifesto,” Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs, he’s certainly a few light years ahead of me in terms of success. But still, I don’t envy or wish harm on such a man. (Okay, I might envy him, but ever since my conselors confiscated most of my Vodoo dolls, including Chucky’s, I haven’t tried hurting him). Anyways, his ESPN.com blog about tonight’s NCAA basketball championship was, at times, very smart and funny and I wanted to share it with you.

Por ejemplo, he writes…

“I prefer to watch sporting events without a predetermined rooting interest; I always enjoy games more when I can arbitrarily decide who I want to pull for while the action is happening in real time… Yet I realize most Americans aren’t like this. I’ve received a lot of feedback from people who keep asking me different versions of the same abstract question: “I don’t care about either squad in tonight’s game. As such, whom should I cheer for?”

It would seem like the obvious answer would be geography — you could simply root for whatever school is physically closer to your home, even though that principle has never made any sense and never will. The unique problem is that Florida’s location makes this inherently unfair; most of America is closer to Columbus than it is to Gainesville. Moreover, being in relative proximity to a certain school might make you like it less. You might suffer from media fatigue…

There is also the (always weird) principle of “rooting for the conference.” If you are the kind of person who loves Auburn, there are those who would suggest that conference loyalty requires your allegiance to fall with any club representing the Southeastern Conference. There are some who even apply this to pro sports, which seems absolutely insane (I know a Vikings fan who rooted for Chicago in the last Super Bowl, somehow arguing that a Bears win would “reflect well on the NFC North”)… I was recently talking about this with a Penn State graduate who… would argue that the responsibility of someone from Michigan or Indiana is to hate Ohio State all the time, particularly when it’s playing a championship game on national television.

I suppose the crux of this issue for any unconnected basketball fans comes down to philosophy: Are you the kind of person who always feels the better team deserves to win, or are you the kind of person who always prefers to see an underdog overcome adversity? How you answer that question should make it pretty clear whom you should be supporting this evening, as well as define every other aspect of your entire personality in about 400 different ways.”

Sharp thinking, yes? Now, you might be thinking, Geeze, Scott, that’s, um, nice and all but rather non sequitur. What the hell does this have to do with wine? And my answer would be: Nothing. It has nothing at all to do with wine. BUT it was something I found interesting tonight and I wanted to spread the gospel of Chuck Klosterman to our Roshambo Nation (a nation consisting of that whopping 89 of you who visit this blog on a daily basis). Furthermore, I wanted to push our Ace retail sales manager off the plank.

You see, Steve is an alumni and die-hard fan of OSU anything. He even wears the ever-hip, red OSU golf shirts to work four days a week. And since Ohio State University lost the NCAA basketball championship tonight to the University of Florida (just three months after losing to the same team in the football championship, effectively becoming the first-ever-same-year-double-losers in the history of the two college sports), I wanted to find some way to make Steve feel the full sting of the loss(es). So it’s not that non sequitur, actually. It’s more my way of inflicting pain on people like Steve now that I’m without access to my confiscated Vodoo dolls.

So here’s to you Steve. May you wince at the sight of these two chooches.